What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?
Last Updated: 02.07.2025 00:33
Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.
TEXT:
Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.
Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!
In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …
Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.
And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.
Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …
I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.
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Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.
Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!
In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …
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Marijuana makes Jesus cry!
Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.
Make Nazis afraid again!
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Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority
¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!
Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)
How do I maintain and care for granite countertops in a coastal climate like Pompano Beach?
Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.
Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?
Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.
What are some cool examples of two kinds of people?
Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!
At least until the peyote kicks in ...
Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.
How do you write a letter to your uncle who sent you money for your birthday outfit?
And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...
Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.
After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.
What is it like to have an insanely beautiful girlfriend?
I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.
Shameless vixen! Trollop!
Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!
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Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.
Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!
But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!
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“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”